Valentines day is fast approaching- I can almost hear it- the cries of those who hate Valentines Day and want more than anything to tell everyone all about how much they hate it.
They’re preparing as we speak, already drafting their tweets about the Chinese they’ll order alone because they will be single literally forever, because in this world of 7 billion people there’s literally no person who could possibly bear to put up with their shit for more than three seconds.
These people are annoying but almost forgivable, the real offenders here are the people who tell you about how Valentines Day is just a commercially driven way to boost the evil capitalist economy using teddy bears and strawberry flavoured lube.
Of course it is.
None of us actually thought that Valentines Day was a particularly poignant holiday with a very deep special meaning. Of course its just meaningless drivel which allows us to eat chocolate and not do anything productive for a day- and if you think I’m on board with that then you are absolutely correct.
Here is a list of reasons why Valentines Day is, not the best day of the year- but not as bad as everyone keeps saying it is.
- Even if you’re single on Valentines Day, it’s the best excuse in the world to sit down with yourself- maybe have a cry- have a whole bottle of pink sparkling wine and box of chocolates to yourself and think about why you’re single. Also all the other single people who are as bitter as you are probably on the prowl because they don’t really hate Valentines Day they’re just gloomy they don’t have someone to spend it with, so you might actually be able to find someone and not be so annoying next year.
- It’s a great excuse to buy cheesy stuff that you absolutely do not need. Giant embarrassing teddy bears pink rubber ducks, the new Valentines Day range of Kim Kardashian perfume. It’s allowed because its Valentines Day and you can ask for/buy yourself ridiculous things and mildly justify it to yourself later.
- You can sit down and watch deplorably bad romantic comedies until your heart is content and you’ve basically morphed into an American teen who’s found love in their senior year of high school. Nobody can judge you, and if they do then you shouldn’t be spending your valentines with them.
- Lastly, you wear funky pink stuff and go on super fun dates for no reason. This means that you can spend heaps of cash on pink furry skinny dip phone cases just to look that little bit extra for your Valentines Day date. It also means you can day drink without being judged.
So basically, Valentines day is great and if you hate it then shut up.