Lau Batty, 29, dual heritage, lives in Bristol, an engagement coordinator for an art charity.
Being the child of immigrants I had so much pressure on me to make something of myself and make the most of the opportunities, to go to university, to then go on to be a doctor, or a lawyer or an engineer all of these things. The arts were never seen as a legitimate career path. So when I was 19, I went to uni, and I dropped out in my first year. My parents were just absolutely despairing, they thought I was gonna become an absolute bomb and do nothing with my life.
I just ended up working in lots of different places and then I didn’t start my degree until I was 26. So everything before that I was very lost, and even during my degree, felt very lost. I think a large part of that was because I had such a clear path carved out for me as to what success looked like, so that I never really let myself think about what I wanted to do. It wasn’t until the second year of my degree that I went to go see a live performance in the theatre and just fell in love and just thought: this is what I want to do.
I started applying for roles that were very much more on the business side of theatre, and it’s only recently that I’ve started doing more creative things, like writing and things like that, and being accepted onto writing courses. I think I just got to the point where I realised that if I was going to go through all of this hardship and rejection in applying for different jobs and working really hard, then it has to be for something that I really cared about, or else it just wasn’t worth it.
Working in the arts is incredible, because there’s nothing purer in this world than sharing story with people and connecting with people over our similarities in our stories or in our emotions. On top of that, the culture of working in the arts, when you find the right place, is incredible. There’s a really beautiful and nurturing side to it. That means that everyone’s voice is heard. There are some really old elitist institutions where you do just feel like you’re battling uphill, but if you can carve out a space for yourself in it, then I think it’s really wonderful.
In my early 20s…
I was really hard on myself about a lot of things. I pushed myself really hard at school to the point where I would just be absolutely drained. If I felt like I messed up in some way, I was so harsh on myself about it, and the biggest thing I’ve learned is just to be really kind with myself, because at the end of the day, that’s the person who supports you through everything.
As a woman growing up in society, to be the loudest voice in the room, and as someone who often is the loudest voice in the room, there is a lot of misbranding of that word. People say that you’re bossy, you’re domineering or overpowering.
‘You’re amazing’
I met my best friend of all time when I was 12 and that has maintained but I’ve cultivated a lot more female friends. Also I think the biggest thing I learned in my 20s was to have people around you who constantly will tell you how amazing you are on the days that you don’t believe it.
So much of my early 20s was just absolute insecurity, really struggling with self-worth and not knowing what my value was. Not even in a way that was detrimental, but just on a day when you feel like the essay you’ve handed in is really bad, just having friends around you who are like ‘I bet that essay was the best thing that anyone is ever going to read at this university’.
Stay true to yourself
When I was pushing myself for this idea of success, I never defined what that looked like. All I defined it as was having a high powered job and not being stressed about money anymore, and then I started to really think about what does success look like for me. So I started to look at people whose careers I admired and then I looked at the paths they chose.
Don’t be afraid of having to work hospitality alongside of doing free workshop. There’s no shame in having to work a side job whilst pursuing what you care about.
Stay true to what you believe in and then seek out a career that you want to emulate and seek out as many opportunities as possible.
Maybe it never goes away
I don’t think that feeling lost ever really goes away, there’s always a question of what next and what am I going to do now, but I think you grow more certain in yourself and your abilities, so you don’t feel as scared of the uncertainty, at least that’s been the case for me.
Some people probably are incredibly certain their entire lives and go into their work and just find that job and they love it, but for me, I’m constantly asking does this job inspire me? Am I proud of the work I’m doing? Is there more I can be doing to push things? So I’m always looking. Especially my family is Tuvaluan and there’s no representation of us in the arts.
For me, the driving force is putting together narratives into theatre and that’s where writing started. And then from that, you know, hopefully I can cast Tuvaluans in this play when it gets put on and then I can then try and amplify other South Pacific Islanders voices within theatre and try and help them put on plays and produce their plays.
So I have the driving force of inclusion, diversity and wanting to see my culture told and represented, but the ways in which I do that is always changing and I’m always expanding to see how that can be done in different ways.
It’s ok, really
I would tell my little self: It’s okay that you’re so emotional, because one day that emotion is going to be the passion that drives everything you do. Like adverts that make you cry; and it’s okay that you feel so swept away by a book that like; you want to live in that feeling for the rest of your life like that is going to be the passion that makes you do everything in your life.
If I was to tell my early 20s self something I would probably say that you don’t need to rush any element of your life, you don’t need to be hitting these milestones, like being in a committed relationship, living with a partner, like having got your degree and moving into a career that you really love; everything along the way is going to be so fulfilling and just take time to enjoy those moments because they’re gone go really quickly. I never understood that the fact that I’m a social person who gets on with people is a really useful skill, so I would say: just take your time there’s no rush