Valentine Charlie Caulfield, 27, from France, moved to Manchester in 2014, a MA journalism student at Manchester Metropolitan University.
My early twenties were probably really fun. I used to go out a lot, get drunk, and I enjoyed going out and hanging out with friends. I have done a lot of things, I worked in bars, I have been a DJ, I have been a promoter and all of those things I’m really grateful for them. I don’t think I’ll be where I’m now if I hadn’t done all of those things.
As I have grown up I’ve learned to focus on the things that I think really matter. Obviously I admire some people but I’m also conscious of the fact that I have my own achievements and there are things that I look forward to and there is really no need to look at other people’s lives and think I should be doing this or that, if there is something you want to do, just try and do it. There is no point focusing on other people’s achievements, If there is nothing you can take from them, then it’s not worth it.
There’s been times in my twenties where I felt like I had everything together maybe a lot more than I do right now, but that wasn’t necessarily a good thing. I think your twenties are a really a good stepping stone for the rest of your life, it’s the time where you can make a lot of mistakes and they don’t necessarily matter very much.
Losses and breakups
I’ve lost people and I’ve had breakups, there’s been a lot of things that have triggered really bad episodes in my life, pretty much the only thing that they have in common is that the way I managed to get myself out of them is by being with the people that I love, even when people I loved died.
Struggling with not knowing what I wanted to do and being in jobs that I didn’t want to do…that also triggered really bad moments and the way I’ve dealt with that was surround myself with people who motivated me to try and do something else with my life. I have definitely had really good friends around me who pushed me to go back to uni, to do my masters, and I think that helped a lot.
Breakups have taught me I have terrible taste in men. The first few years of my twenties I was not in relationships because I didn’t really care that much, and then I was in two long relationships in a row, I think they’ve just taught to be careful with who I fall for because…I just have terrible taste in people. But also just even though it is hard, it’ll get better.
Sometimes I do find it really annoying if I’m not in a relationship and there isn’t anyone around me. Sometimes you just have this…not even necessarily a need but longing for being able to share things with someone and there is no one in your life that kind of fits that bill. It’s not the most pleasant thing but I’d also rather be with someone that I really care about than just be in a relationship for the sake of it.
Taking chances
I was very adventurous which is not necessarily the worst thing. I took chances and I took risks, some of them paid off and some of them didn’t, but that’s the decade where I moved to the UK after working in France for a bit. I did things that I never thought I’d do.
My twenties were very fun and I’m glad I got to do it, but there are other things I’m looking forward to. As a decade I would say my twenties were very much a time of opportunities. I did do a lot of things, not all of them great, but I did a lot of things and it was pretty good.
You get to a point in life where it doesn’t really matter anymore whether you know what you want your life to be or not, you just make decisions, and you just keep going and that is just what life is.
40s? Can’t wait
I’m genuinely excited for my 40s, I think I’ll be really good at being in my 40s. When you get to that stage, you probably don’t have anything to prove anymore.
Being a woman in your 20s, there is a lot of pressure on you – to look like this and be like this, be really skinny and have great skin…but by the time you reach your 40s you get to do what you want and you get to be your own person, and a lot of the world is not going to look at you only like a sexualised person, you are actually going to be a person. You will stop caring about what the society thinks of you, you stop being just a woman, and that sounds like so much fun.