Maya

Maya Franklyn, 23, second-year journalism student at Birmingham City University

I have always heard from older generations, like your 20s is the time for you to make mistakes and to be confused and to not know where you’re going. When in reality, no, it’s not, because what you do in your 20s is really what creates the future that you have. Because there’s so much expectations of what you should be doing in your 20s, that kind of plays a part in why so many of us have those moments where we feel lost.

When you’re a kid, everybody’s a kid; everyone that you associate yourself with is and your friends are all doing the same thing, you don’t need this sense of direction, because it’s all kind of planned out for you and it’s always been that way. So you know exactly what you should be doing and what you’re going to be doing next year, and the year after, so we can be comfortable.

But now we are entering a new chapter in our lives that is so different to what we’re used to. Now we have responsibilities, different responsibilities, and expectations, that does plays a part in how a lot of us young people feel. Especially young people who don’t have that many opportunities, they have to make it on their own, it’s even more difficult for them, because it’s not a level playing field, we didn’t all start at the same point. When you’re in school, you don’t think that far ahead, because you’re naive. So you don’t, you don’t have that to think about. So you can literally just live your life and enjoy it, and then boom, suddenly, we’re supposed to think like adults, be adults.

Trials and tribulations

They say you’re not supposed to have it all figured out, but they don’t talk about the trials and tribulations that people in their early 20s go through. It is very daunting and it is a huge transition from being a kid and kid like to now being adult and having to think like adult and make decisions that impact your future.

People don’t actually talk about how big of a decision university is, there’s time and money that goes into being a teen years old, and picking what you want to do for the rest of your life, it’s a really big decision to make. I think that’s why I didn’t even go to university until I was 21. Because for so long. I didn’t know what I wanted to read. It’s an investment and I didn’t know what I wanted to invest in. I know that it’s an investment into my in myself, but three years is a long time to be doing something that you don’t enjoy to be doing something that doesn’t bring you literally any joy at all. So it’s daunting, it’s scary, but it’s even scarier in my opinion to like make the wrong decision.

Being in your 20s is literally a roller coaster. I’m kind of near my mid 20s, I’ll be 24 this year and that scares me even more because some of my friends have gotten married, some have kids, they’ve already graduated, so they’ve kick started their career. I just feel like, I’m still in uni, I still live at home. I just feel like there’s these accomplishments that I should already have made and that plays a part in in my early 20s depression.

We’re so different but so alike

I know I shouldn’t really think about it like that because everybody’s journey is different and we’re all slowly getting to our destination in our own way. But I do tend to play like the comparison game where I make compare myself to someone else who’s probably my age. So I started university quite late and it makes me feel so I’ve been left behind, but I have to remind myself that no two people are the same and I will get there in my own way and in my own time.

You can’t help but compare because we’re so different but there’s so much alike, with us as young people as well. Especially if you’re in the same course as someone, when you see other people successfully get these opportunities that are really going to make a great impact on their CVs and their future opportunities that might be given to them, it’s hard not to compare, and it’s hard not to possibly think that you’re doing something wrong, or you’re not doing something you should be doing.

I do compare myself quite a lot. I do it subconsciously, I’m not even aware that I’m doing it. But I just do it all the time, especially if it’s someone my age that I think that is like doing things that I feel like I should do.

I’m appreciative and I always love seeing young people doing great things because it reminds me that like ‘Yes our generation is not has not failed, we’re gonna do it!’ But there are times when I’m just like, okay, but why not me? Like, why is that happening? And I beat myself up about it. I need to learn to not do that because what I might bring to the table is going to be completely different to say what you bring to the table, and each one of our work is needed at the end of the day.

A different time

I am extremely worried about my future. I’m someone who likes to know what is going to happen, so to not know the unknown, basically, is what I would say worries me. I have a plan about my future, I know what it is I need to accomplish in order to fulfil what I want, as far as what I want my future to look like, but it is that worry of just not knowing if it’s going to actually happen, not knowing if it’s actually going to be fulfilled, and not knowing if all the work that I’m putting in at the moment, if I’m going to like enjoy the fruits of my labour, or if I’m going to actually have that moment where I can say, this is what it was all for.

The pandemic is an example of what could happen and it puts you in this in this limbo type of position where you have no idea what’s going to happen in the future, but you have to just remain resilient and adapt to change. That’s hard as a young person, especially not only with this decade, but this generation, it’s not like our parents’ generation. It’s not necessarily just the qualifications behind our name that might put us at a different pedestal to others, it’s that work experience as well, and work experience is the demand for work experience, it’s is enormous.

Now we can be at university, busting like blood, sweat, and tears, trying to get like the best grades and the best experience, get that qualification under a belt; but someone could just get an apprenticeship for a year and be already put three steps ahead of us because they’ve got that work experience.

Another barrier

As you can see, I’m a person of colour, so I don’t necessarily look like the average news presenter or journalist. I know that is another factor as well that a lot of other people don’t necessarily have to deal with; like some like a 21 year old British boy who probably comes from a very educated or very wealthy background probably does not have to think about.

It still makes me feel as though maybe there’s opportunities based simply on what I look like I won’t get, and it’s unfortunate because it kind of shows a divide in our society.

I don’t necessarily have a name that that would make you think I come from a certain background or certain culture. My name is Maya Franklin, so that could literally be anyone. You never really want to assume that’s the reason why, but you do. I’ve had so many situations happen where I’ve been called in for an interview, then I go for the interview, and I can just see that I wasn’t necessarily what they wanted me to look like. It just worries me.

I know there’s a lot of movements that’s happened, but it is still daunting and it’s still a worry to think that that could possibly be another factor, another barrier that stops you from getting to your goal, and that’s something you can’t control.

That is something I’ve always thought about but that is also something that makes me want to be a journalist even more because if the day could come where I could be on TV, I might allow someone, like a little girl, to avoid all the worries I once had, because now I am her representation.

Our generation, we can initiate the change that basically needs to happen, because we shouldn’t have to worry about things that we can’t control, like how we look and things like that, and we shouldn’t feel like because there might be a language barrier, or there might be a difference in culture, that someone would be able to relate to that person, and it’s not something that anybody should have to think about.

You will make it

I question myself all the time. I have this thing where I’ll be applying for something and midway through applying, I’ll just say to myself, no, no, no just don’t apply. I will tell myself that I’m not good enough, I’ll just think it and I’ll just make myself believe that I’m not what the person or the company is looking for, so I’ve missed a lot of opportunities in the past because of that.

It’s like a constant battle with me, sometimes you have those days where you go up, you’re like ‘I can do anything in this world’, ‘I can accomplish anything’, ‘I can do whatever I put my mind to’, you’re in the best mood. Then some days, you’re just like, ‘no I can’t do this can’t do that, everything is overwhelming, how am I supposed to survive,’ and it’s just a constant battle.

I’ve always had insecurities all my life. They haven’t just been vanity insecurities that most girls have. The insecurities that I’ve have, sometimes are more so about my abilities. I might get insecure sometimes when I feel like I can’t think of the right word to say or if I get writer’s block, those are the moments when I feel like I’m not good enough.

I just have to really remind myself that number one, you have to fake it until you make it; and number two, you will make it one day, your individuality and your uniqueness is what’s going to make you stand out from everybody else.

It is difficult for me to not go down that rabbit hole because I do go down a lot, I will have an insecure day, I’ll have like a secure month, and it always comes at the worst time like when I have an assessment and I’m just not my best self.

The biggest lesson & hardest part

Being vulnerable, for me, I feel is not an option and I’m actually experiencing now in my life – the effects of not being vulnerable. The same way being vulnerable could lose someone; not being vulnerable could also lose someone as well. I find that to actually make those true, genuine relationship with people and connections with people, you have to be vulnerable; you have to allow someone to see that raw side of you to make them aware that you are real, you’re a human being, you’re someone who values them, because you’ve decided to open up to them.

I’m most vulnerable when I’m disappointed, but I’m also learning, and I think this is the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my 20s. I’m learning to see everything as an experience, whether it be good, or whether it be bad, and I’m learning to see it as a learning opportunity.

I used to have this victim mentality and just felt like everything horrible happened to me because I’m just bad luck, or I’m just not someone who is deserving of a happy life. Once I started to look at things happening to me as a learning opportunity instead of being upset about something that’s happened to me, I’m now asking the question, why is this happening to me? But what can I learn from this? Or what is this trying to teach me? I think having that outlook has helped me a lot in my 20s, because nothing prepares you for anything, to be honest, like anything traumatic that happens.

I expect people to treat me how I treat them. I expect to get the results out of something. If I put the work in, I get the result. If I treat you with respect, you respect me. If I treat you kindly, you’re kind to me. If I do everything that is expected of me, this is the life I live. It’s coming to that realisation that no, that’s not always the case.

That has always been like the hardest part of my 20 so far – just knowing that you can literally put your all into someone or something and get nothing in return, and you have to learn to just accept that. That is hard because it diminishes that little fairy tale you have in your life. When you’re a kid you can imagine a life and you can imagine who you want to be, but now it’s that realisation of that might not happen for you.

The social media era

I have this conversation with my mom all the time. She always says our generation has been through so much more than her generation, because we have what society proclaims is beautiful, we have this standard to live up to. My mom couldn’t go on her phone and see someone with what society deems is a beautiful body, a beautiful face, she didn’t have that comparison, she didn’t have that easy access to compare herself to somebody.

Not even just down to vanity and what you look like, but also lifestyles. I can go on Instagram, and I can see someone somewhere else living this great life, this lavish lifestyle, and instantly, you’re reminded of what you don’t have, you’re reminded of the things that you lack, and what society is making you feel you should have. It’s hard not to become depressed. When you’re living in the social media era, because you feel as though you’re always gonna lack, unless you look like this person.

Body image, that’s something that’s always changing, depending on media, and the fact that people now will get surgical procedures to look a certain way because society told them that’s what’s supposed to do, that is crazy to me. When that trend now ends, then what? Beauty should never be a trend because we’re all different, so we’re never all going to fit into one box, so there shouldn’t be a box considered as beautiful.

I think being in my 20s, that is also something that has really been a struggle for me, I’m dealing with the demand of society, and what society tells me is considered beautiful or not. As a woman that is just naturally something that’s going to enter my mind and it doesn’t matter how strong you are. If you see something, a good amount of times, you start to kind of believe it, you know, you see what people would rather watch. You see what people would rather like and if you don’t have that, it makes you feel like you’re lacking something

That uniqueness or that praise of being unique, I find is something that we, my generation, which should be in their 20s now, lack unfortunately. It’s upsetting because we are allowing social media and we’re allowing society to make us feel unworthy basically, and it doesn’t get easier when you’re in your 20s. I remember feeling like that as a teenager, and it doesn’t get easier in your 20s, but it is something that really becomes intense in your 20s, I think anyway.

‘I experienced the mature version of my mum’

I always wish that I had the strength and courage and excitement to just hop on a plane and go get an education in a different country, be there for three years. Even in comparison to my sister, my sister had a complete different upbringing to me, she’s much more driven, she’s much braver, and she’s much more just open minded.

She’s my oldest sister and we’re 11 years apart. My mum had her when my mum was a university student and was young. And my mum had me when she was 35, and already had her qualifications and maturity. So we experienced different human beings, I experienced, like the mature version of my mom and my sister experienced the young 23 year old student. So our upbringing, there was a lot that my sister learned that I did it because my mom sheltered me and, and with us, both being girls, there was a lot of things my mom probably thought was a mistake was my sister. And so she wanted to prevent me from going through that same mistake. So I’m sheltered. I’ve been, you know, I don’t have that experience that could really allow, like, strengthen me to feel as though I can do things on my own, whereas she did. So I might be fearful as making certain decisions that for my sister, it’s nothing. These are the things that I try not to take for granted, because I know it’s not something that everybody has.

I couldn’t really imagine myself being like, not having my mom and I know, the day will come that I don’t have my mom. But I’m just I’m very much aware of like that privilege. Because it’s not, it’s not often that you have someone in your life that wants to see you succeed as much as you do and wants to help you as much as you do. And I rely on my mum for a lot of things, like before I ever have to send an assignment to a lecturer, I send it to my mom, because obviously, my mom’s academic as well. She’s a teacher, and my dad’s a lawyer. So I, I’m, I’m privileged in the sense that I can, I’m not first generation and I have a great relationship with these people. I know they want me to succeed. I don’t ever have to think about their intentions. I know what their intentions are.